Last year, I don’t remember exactly when, I decided to stop abusing myself.
No, I wasn’t hurting myself in an intentional way, but I realized that many of things I was doing (and not doing) were destructive, and my identity was slipping. I’ve not been taking care of the body I’ve been given, nor the soul or mind within. Not taking time for myself or to allow my soul to speak was slowly making me feel like I wasn’t human.
While on the outside, my weight is the most obvious struggle that I face, I knew that without beginning with my internal issues, I’d never be able to maintain an outward change. I began to take time for myself, whether it was yoga, reading a book with a hot cup of tea, or taking an early morning walk.
I learned to truly forgive. Forgiving others was a big thing, but forgiving myself for hating my body and myself was bigger. I learned to enjoy simple things that I’ve been blessed with. A child’s laugh, the wonder in my son’s eyes as he saw something new, What it feels like to love and be loved. While I’ve had these things for a while, I think that I finally saw and accepted these things for what they were.
With all of this, I learned to take time to educate my mind and soul as well. Soul-searching and grounding has done wonders for me this year, and I’ve found myself less stressed and less worried about things I cannot change. I learned to be more self-sufficient in regards to my health and finances.
I’ve learned to be happy and to love myself, inside and outside, at whatever stage I am at. While my weight-loss has only seen a 20 pound difference over the course of the year, I lost much more by shedding the weight of hating myself and the burdens it put on me.
2013 was a year of change, and I look forward to 2014 being one of transformation.